I got a fortune cookie the other day that said to “keep waiting for the right moment”. 

I hadn't known this at the time, but waiting for the right moment for me looked a lot like making rounds in plant nurseries and flower stores, trying to find a perfect potted one to bring with me.

For a week, my watch has been left ticking away two hours behind, and I’d leave it sitting on my shelf that way instead of setting it right. And until a few days back, I’d left my bed unmade throughout the day, knowing I’d crawl right back in to it come midday. My suitcases are still sitting in my room, reminding me of the time I had left them there the whole semester the last time I was here because “I would be back home soon enough”.

Just a few ways I’ve been rebelling. Just a few ways I’ve refused to settle.

Little did I know that the Sunday a week in to the semester, I would be buying myself a plant.

It almost would’ve been a bonsai, a stunner I couldn’t hide my awe for. But caring for her was complicated, the shopkeeper tells me. Wires, pruning, shaping and the like. I want to jump right in, I think. But I’m setting her down on the cart where she came from again, thinking that I’m ready for her, knowing well that I’m not.

It also could’ve been an orchid, one with a promised bloom come Summer’s day. She’s a delicate one, but also tough, with shoots that have sprouted already. I’d have a flower over the next few weeks, I think. But she needs repotting, needs a better home to cozy into and so I walk away.

The one I end up carrying home in a tiny cardboard box at the end of the day of looking for something I hadn’t known I was looking for, is an African Violet. Ready a water dish and fill it in once a week to care for her, the shopkeeper tells me. I think of the patterned pink dish I have in my room, waiting for a purpose. And this little plant, with a sweet white flower peeking out and another one on its way, might just be a perfect fit for it. I’d like her for the semester, I think.

And it is a semester long that I’d have her for. And I'm looking at her and I'm realising that a semester is not too long to go, now. But it is just about the right amount of time, I think, for her to settle. 

The right moment, I think, for me to try.

I'm a ways away from settling and finding my footing again, but the Sunday I went out with a few friends for market food and finds and came back with a plant to care for, was a start. And I cherish metaphors on flowers and on how we can, similarly to them, grow. So coming back from our little trip, with bonsai's and orchids and African violets in mind, I wrote this piece and found that my search for 'the right flower' was in so many ways, alike to my searching for the right moment to feel at home with myself again. (A song I've been loving for a while comes to mind as I write this).

My African Violet has since bloomed another flower, but I'm still learning my way around the best way to care for her and help her grow. Along the same lines, I'm learning my way around the best way to care for myself and help myself grow, too. What stage would you say you're in right now, in the way of a flower's stages of growth?

Are there are any flowers for the taking that you would like to share, too? Stories or videos or quotes that you feel are related to this piece? Share them with me in the comments; I'd love to hear from you!

With love, 

Iween

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